Letter I'll Never Send

Dear Antonio and Mercedes,

Please stop putting lettuce and anchovies on the pizza. Pizza is one of the few "less Spanish" things I can eat over here and you are really ruining the experience for me.

Also, today Luna told me she is mad my parents are coming because she doesn't want me to be happy. Just wanted to let you know you're raising a really sweet child.

Oh and I'm pretty sure Marcos called me a "whore" in Spanish while I was helping him study for his science test.

Keep up the good work,
me

I Need A Hobby

Hello world,
I haven't posted in forever. so let me tell you what i've been doing with my time. My Swedish friends visited last week, it was glorious beyond all glory. If you want to hear about it you can ask because its far too much to write. However I will be going to Stockholm for new years most likely, I rarely feel happier than I do when I'm with them..they are so funny and easy going, the few friends of mine that have met them--you know what I'm talking about. Just wonderful people. I'd move to Sweden in a second if I could find a job (but wait, I can't find one in any country...)

Anyway, today my friend Katie from Cleveland and I decided to prove to the world just how much we need to find a hobby. We follow this guy David Thorne on his website 27b/6 (look it up, fucking hiliarious), where basically all he does is mess with people via email, get them really pissed and confused, and continue to mess with them. Its pretty much amazing.

So today I barely had to work and mostly sat in my room with the door shut (standard) and Katie and I were chatting on facebook. She came up with the brilliant idea of finding people on facebook who are not famous, but have the same name as famous people. For example, there is a man named Wesley Snipes that lives in Cleveland. Anyway, she decided to find a few of these people and message them, acting like she thought they were the actual celebrities. Yep, that happened. Reminded us of David Thorne. Obviously I pretended I was too cool for it for a half a second then realized that's a hilarious joke, I make afterschool snack for a living. So then I hopped on the messaging train.

Katie's were funnier than mine so I wish she had saved them so I could post them. Katie sweet Katie, copy and paste one from your sent messages into the comments?

Here's the first guy I sent a message to:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=sent#!/profile.php?id=100000903335944
And that's real. but the message I sent him was kind of lame, I'll say it. Sorry sir for posting your fb link to my blog.

Here's the second guy:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=sent#!/profile.php?id=1595663784

Subject: Finding Love
Dear Mr. Costner,
I am writing not on my behalf, but on the behalf of my mother. My parents had a happy marriage for the last 30 years, and recently my father decided to leave her for his secretary that is on 28 years of age. 28! Can you believe it?! The world is a terrible place sometimes.
Anyway, my mom has always been your biggest fan. When she saw Tin Cup, I remember she ordered the script online and made me read the part of Roy while she read Dr. Molly Griswald's lines and could pretend she was falling in love with you. Although even though I was the one reading your lines, I think she really did fall more in love with you as a human being.
My mom is going through a really hard time right now, and I was wondering if you might be willing to give her a quick phone call, or maybe she could even come by for lunch? I assume you live in Los Angeles, and we only live a short plane ride away in Lafayette, IN. Okay its quite far but I think my mom would be willing to foot the bill if it meant meeting you! Or maybe you could since we are a bit strapped for cash now with my mom being a housewife and all and my dad gone? No pressure or anything.
I hope that you will have some compassion for my mom, she is a wonderful person that would find meaning in life again if she got to meet one of her fantasies. Please let me know!
Trying to help,
Dena Davidson

and the third guy:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=sent#!/profile.php?id=1079378528
Subject: Talent Manager
Mr. Arnold,
I hope this message finds you well. I know that you probably get thousands of these a day, but I am hoping that by sending you a message to your personal facebook account instead of your fanpage, that you might actually see this and read it!!
Although I did love you in General Hospital and Roseanne, after seeing the Tom Show and the cinematic suicide that was Soul Plane, I think you may need different representation than you have currently. My brother is living in Long Beach, California right now, and is trying to make enough money to move into Los Angeles (where I assume you live, as even B and C List celebrities do). His name is Greg and he is trying very hard to break into the business of being an "agent" for actors such as yourself. He got our friend Chad Moore the role of Prom Date #2 in Bring It On: In It To Win It a couple years ago, and I think that with more distinguished names on his resume he could really get going.
Would you consider hiring my brother as your talent agent? I would be happy to give you his personal email address so you can discuss this more thoroughly, but don't want to give it to you right away in case your manager or wife or something reads this and puts him on an email forward lists, he hates those.
Please get back to me with your response, I think you two could be a great team!
Trying to help,
Dena Davidson

Katie messaged to Tim Allen, Wesley Snipes and....I can't remember the other one.

We are FUCKING LOSERS. And I ate McDonalds literally six times in 4 days with the Swedes when they were here so besides a loser I also I felt like a fat ass this week. So I guess now I'm a fat bitch who sits behind her computer and messes with people. Perez Hilton (love youuuu) and I are about to become best buds. Its so embarrassing I posted this but now that I'm at the end I don't even care. Read on, readers. Fuck.

Get me out of here.

Officially Official

So its official. I have become the second mom to these children.

Over the past week or so the atmosphere kind of changed a little in the house, and I think its because I actually know what I'm supposed to be doing all the time and the kids know that I'm in charge, too, whether the parents are at home or not. I can tell them to do things in front of Mercedes and Antonio and they do it (usually). They like me, too. Its weird, because I still don't really like them that much but they are children and slow on the uptake. They are always coming into my room and hanging all over me seeing what I'm doing. When I'm busy working on something they are sad I can't hang out with them. But then ten minutes later they are pissed I'm telling them to go take a shower, or that we have to read in English. I'm literally a mother. Its weirding me out.

Oh and when I take them/get them from school, sometimes they hold my hand. And sometimes they argue about who gets to sit next to me on the subway. We are just a happy freakin family. And people know I'm the au pair. I mean obviously, why else would this blonde 20-something be following them around? The basketball coach knows who I am. He sees me and then tells Luna its time to go. Or Marcos's friend see me and tell him I am there. Its odd really.

Yes it is nice to finally feel like I know what I'm doing and not feel like I always have to wait for instructions or ask what I should do/get them and blah blah blah. Its also nice that they seem to like me, and some days I even like them. And the parents seem to really like me too, at first I wasn't sure. There are times when I think "Hmm, maybe staying here until June won't be that bad...". But when those thoughts come into my head I quickly smack myself and think about the fact that its been a good few days and that's it and to not get ahead of myself. 

HOWEVER. Although its nice to finally be in the flow of these people's lives, I have realized something. I don't want this to be me. I am basically a mother right now, aside from the biological tie. I take the kids to school and pick them up. I take them to basketball games, and violin lessons, and pack their bag for swimming. I make their after school snack and remind them to brush their teeth after dinner. I don't WANT this to be my life. I am 22, and my life revolves around a 7 and a 9 year old. People who have children at this age--sometimes it works.I mean I know people who have/had kids when they were 22, and they love it. Its probably different when its your kids, too, and not someone elses. Part of you probably WANTS your life to revolve around them, because you love them so much. But really, I feel like I have my entire life to have kids and watch them grow up. Jesus, I don't even know if I want kids at all. But right now I want to be young adult Dena, by having a job but spending time with my friends after work and drinking in the house and going on random trips and having friends over just to hang out. I don't really want to be wondering where Marcos left his glasses or if Luna is wearing her retainer at this point in my life. But I am.

So even though things are better, I am still applying for real jobs in the states, and if something opens up I can think about things then. I'd feel so bad leaving this family because they really are great, I've been so lucky to find them and have things working out the way they are, but I think the good thing would be that I wouldn't be leaving because I hate them but because maybe this isn't the best place for me to be. And I actually think they would respect that and not be mad.

Its just odd how I've fallen into the routine here. Good, but weird. Not at the right time in my life, but fine.
Ho hum.

The Dogs

Not sure if I've introduced the dogs yet? Well they are my red-headed step children in the house. I am not what we would call a dog person. They are always jumping and barking and getting you dirty and shedding and tearing things up and whatever else. I mean...I try not to be a hater but I cannot fathom why someone would want a dog for years and years and years. I want my friends to have dogs. That way I can leave when they start to get annoying but I can play when them when they are cute and fun. Its a perfect plan.

But now I am a partial dog owner....joy!

One dog, Trasto, is a 12 year old German Shepard. He's actually not that bad, really calm because he's old, well trained, kind of deaf but whatever. He just lays around mostly so I can handle him. And his bark is really scary so I'm confident no one will try to come in and murder me while he's here. Always a good thing.

The other two are puppies, brother and sister, about two months old now. Camino is the boy and Sol is the girl. Camino isn't that bad, pretty lazy which is annoying when we go on a walk but around the house he is fine. Sol, on the other hand, is a little B and I hate her. She rips up everything thats in front of her, is always jumping on me, biting my ankles, and being a general annoyance to my life. That and she always jumps up in Trasto's grill when he's just hanging out and he hates it and I feel bad for him, just sayin.
Camino is the tan one, and Sol is the black one.

Okay, Camino is really freakin cute.

Anyway I'm really posting about what its like for me to walk these A-holes when I'm home alone. I mean its hard to walk 3 dogs at once for anyone I would think. So Trasto is always excited to go out, and wants to walk way ahead of me. Which would be fine, except Sol and Camino are the only puppies on the earth that hate to go on a walk?? So I am literally dragging them and I feel so bad about hurting their little necks but I don't know what to do! I try to get them all excited to run and stuff but they are having none of it. Usually they try to just stand there, sometimes one of them sits down which IS AWFUL. That and when they do walk, they are jumping on each other/zig zagging all over the place and making me get all twisted up. With Trasto running ahead still. I look soooo stupid being pulled from both arms. PLUS Trasto is so old he doesn't even care about stopping to pee anymore, so he just goes while he walks. Which means I have to watch the puppies, try not to get tangled, make sure they keep walking, AND dodge Trasto pee on the sidewalk in front of me. Also its just too much for him to walk in a straight line apparently so I have to take huge steps to walk on the outside of the pee path. Are you picturing this? I look like an idiot.

At least I don't know anyone in our neighborhood.

Hoodrat French Toast

So the family left to go to Chicago until Tuesday so I have the house to myself. Yay!

This means I have to cook for myself, which I am kind of excited about and kind of nervous about. I don't know what half the stuff is in the fridge, nor do I know how to cook it. So I tonight I reverted back to basics and decide to make something with basic ingredients: french toast.

There is no vanilla extract anywhere in the kitchen, so I skip that ingredient. There is no ground cinnamon, only cinnamon sticks, so I grab one of those. But I have eggs, milk, bread, and a shitload of syrup should this turn out horribly and I need to mask the flavor. Can't go wrong!

So I mix up the eggs and milk, and try to add the cinnamon. However in its stick form I'm not exactly sure how to handle it. So I just try to break it up as much as I can and drop it in the batter. "Break it up as much as I can" means there are like half-inch pieces floating around in there. Delicious? Oh, and I added some random honey I found in the cabinet, maybe to make up for the lack of vanilla? I do not ask myself why. I just do.

So the stove is all heated up and I'm ready to go! I dip the bread in the batter and make sure I use a fork to ever-so-gently place some pieces of cinnamon on top. I put it on the pan, but let me point out that the big burner on the stove is broken, so I only have the little one to use. So its really hot in the middle of the pan, and not so hot on the outside. So I have to rotate the toast 4 times while its cooking. Yep, that happened. Cooking 2 pieces at a time means I'm a rotating machine! Then I have to flip it and do it all over again!

So I'm all done cooking and its actually not that bad! I loaded them up with syrup and powdered sugar of course. The cinnamon pieces kind of taste like bark, though. And I can't really chew them so they are tearing the lining of my stomach as I write this. So minus my eventual trip to the hospital to combat that little problem I made myself a delicious meal. WIN!

Unannounced guests

Okay so the entire family left to take the dogs for a walk like 30 minutes ago. I hate the dogs so I never go.

So I'm sitting in my room watching Modern Family (just started watching, hilarious btw) when the doorbell rings.

The way the house is set up is that there is the front door, then like...a gate outside of that, so you have to buzz people in. So I open the door to see who is there and there are these two old people standing outside the gate. I tell them (in Spanish) that the family isn't here, and expect them to go away. They say more stuff and I tell them I don't speak Spanish. They keep gesturing at the gate like I should let them in and its like, I'm not supposed to let strangers in...? But since they are old I feel like I can take them if they decide to rob this bitch.

So they are coming up the steps and say some more stuff in Spanish and I figure out that they are Mercedes' parents whom I've never met bc they've been in Menorca or something all summer and just got back. Menorca is this island off the coast, in my mind its like the Florida of Spain--you know, where all the old people go.

So I realize this and am like "oh!! Los padres de Mercedes! si si si si si" (si is my go to phrase when I barely know whats going on and need to fill the awkward air, so i just say it like 50x to make sure everyone knows I am understanding). So I introduce myself and they tell me their names (I forget them already), and then they go into the living room. So I come back to my room to regroup. I mean I know I should talk to them, they are just chillin out there but they obviously don't speak English so the interacting possibilities are minimal. So I think for a second about my minor spanish skills, then go back out there and ask them if they are here for dinner. They say yes and that they are going to barbeque. Sweet! So of course I say si 50 more times and tell them I like barbeque. Then once again I retire to my room because I have reached my Spanish quota for the day.

Aaaaaand now I'm in my room, while they sit in the living room watching TV, hoping that Mercedes and fam comes back with the dogs really soon. Because I am awkwardly being unfriendly when I don't want to be. And I want Mercedes to come back so I can explain to her and then she can explain to them that I really am not a bitch (not today at least) and just don't know how to handle the situation. Honestly, could they not have warned me we were having company!? Jesus.

My life is one fail after another in this place.

Toledo

Saturday I went to Toledo. Its this small city that used to be the capital of Spain, about an hour south of Madrid. Took a bus and went with one of those Cali aupair I know, Amy. The city is up on this huge hill/feels like a mountain when you're walking up it and is guarded by a river on three sides, so it was chosen as the capital because it was well protected by that natural stuff and since its elevated you could always see who was coming. So its all walled up on the outside like a fortress, which is kind of cool.

Its was also a religous monument of a city because Muslims, Jews, and Christians all lived there in harmony at one point, so its kind of like the opposite of Jerusalem? So there's a massive Mosque, Synagogue, and Cathedral where Queen Isabella (the lady who sent Columbus) was supposed to be buried or something. But I guess they ended up putting her somewhere else. I don't know. By the time I was learning that little tidbit of information I was basically dying of a heat stroke so I wasn't listening to the whole story. 

Napoleon ended up ruining a bunch of shit there because he set up a post in a building there (called the Alcazar) during the Napoleonic wars (damn him!) so it wasn't peaceful all the time. But you knowwww. for a while anyway.

Anyway, apparently the phrase "holy Toledo!"was brought to the US by the Spanish Jews, who considered Toledo to be the holiest place in Europe. I love learning shit like that.

 Here are a couple pics so you can see what I'm talking about:

Yes I'm aware Amy is literally 2/3 (maybe less) my size, so zip it.


Once we got back into Madrid in the evening, we went to meet up with my friend Nichole who goes back to the states on Tuesday, and also the other Cali girl, Kelly. Nichole had entirely too much to drink, tried to make out with our server (Washingon, who we've had before), tried to get up on some American guys who were not having any of it, took shots these Norwegian guys bought her, and God knows what after that. I left to catch the last train home at 1:30. A couple guys from Syracuse that are studying abroad here took my number before we left so hopefully they want to be friends? Whatever.

Miss everyone!